Nasuada's Dragon
by kiwismakemehappy
Summary: This is the first part of a series of oneshots. Selfexplanitory tiltle,Warrning: Character Bashing. If you don't appreciate that, than read something less funny,...


Nasuada's Dragon: Part I

The Varden were back in Surda and it was deathly hot, especially in the young rebel leader's thick dress; because of this, Nasuada was far from a happy camper.

"Curse this dress for being so hot," she thought to herself, "curse Eragon for not defeating Galbatorix yet. Curse his Star Wars-like-brother who was supposed to be dead but reappeared. Curse Christopher Paolini for making me move the Varden from a random cool mountain to this stupid desert city. Curse the magic users for good measure because I hate magic and all who can use it. Well, I don't hate Eragon because I'm secretly in love with him and am plotting Arya's demise, (Me: Huzzah!) so he shall be mine, ALL MINE!"

It was during the young queen's brooding session and certain romantic fantasies that her faithful maidservant, Farica, entered the room. The older woman was reluctant to inturupt her lady's obvious romantic day dream, but she had important news, so she stepped forward.

"Malady," she said respectfully and curtsied. Nasuada snapped into focus. "What?" she asked crossly, eyeing her friend. This had better be good.

"There was and explosion, and we found a random large pink rock/gem, and we thought you might like to see it."

"Huh? Oh, uh, right, bring it in." she said with far from regal command. Farica complied and signaled for some men to bring forth the eg-er, stone. (Yeah, I wonder what it is.)

It was heavy when the man carrying it plopped it in her lap, and a flawless magenta color.

"What on earth,…?" she began, but was cut off by a loud cracking sound. "Ah! It's a bomb!" she cried jumping up and causing the stone to roll across the floor. Her maid walked gingerly over and whispered something in her ear.

"You're sure they aren't invented in this story?" she asked doubtfully. Farica nodded her head. "Fine, then, what the bloody hell is it then!"

Just then, a small reptilian head poked out from under a bit of eggshell. The two women, and random guy who brought in the egg, started. Cautiously, Nasuada made her way over to the baby dragon. Its scales shone a dazzling, almost neon pink, and it was eyeing her warily, letting out little gargling noises that it probably supposed was a growl; she touched it.

Immediately, it felt as if someone had burned something into her hand. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHbreathAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHgaspgasp AH!

"What did you do, you nasty little creature!" she cried, about to have it executed, as a consciousness touched her own.

"Farica! Go get Era-" "You called?" asked the young dragon rider, poking his head into the tent flap.

"YES YOU STUPID BLOCKHEADED RETARDED IDIOT! I DID!" she yelled as the dragon probed at her head some more. Eragon saw the dragon and smiled.

"Aw, it a widdle baby dwagon!" he exclaimed, striding over with Elfish grace and crouching to scratch its nose. The mortified dragon bit his hand. Nasuada almost hugged the young man, who was obviously in pain, but stopped herself just in time.

She was really about to execute the little monster this time, when Eragon said haughtily, "Oh, no worries! I am part Elf. And Dragon. And Dwarf. And Welsh, with a pinch of Chinese- But that isn't the point! I can heal myself, not to worry! insert appropriate elfish healing words here There! Now that wasn't so hard!" he said with a grin. She could have melted.

"It looks like a dragon hatched for you!" he said. Nasuada nodded. It was then that Saphira stuck her gigantum head into the tent.

'_I know for a fact there are no more wild eggs,'_ she said through Eragon. '_This must be Galbatorix's last egg. I wonder what the heck it's doing here?'_

"A mighty good question," Eragon stated, trying to sound intelligent.

Now, because the new dragon and rider shared a mental link, it was hard for Nasuada to ignore it, and eventally she lifted the pink dragon for the remains of its egg. It looked up at her with big innocent golden eyes, and sneezed a bit a smoke.

"_Aw, it's so cute," _coodled Saphira. "What shall I name you my new little friend?" she asked it. As much as Nasuada didn't want it to, she had to agree. The darn dragon was growing on her.

"What about a name?" she asked. "Ruby?" suggested Farica. "_Omer?_" tried Saphira. "Arya?" asked Eragon. "Fred?" recommended the random soldier, to which everyone just stared blankly. "Magentasoliya!" cried Nasuada. "How perfect! And for short, we'll call you pinky!" From the link between their minds, the baby dragon now dubbed, "Pinky," gave a furiouse negative, but Nasuada, proud of her naming abilities, shut it out.

"Pinky it is then!" said Eragon, happy that that bit of his life was over, so he could go back to stalking Arya. Speaking of which, the elfish maid chose to enter at that time.

"Lady," she said, with a stiff bow, but eyes only for the dragon now in her lap. "Arya," she replied, nodding formally in return.

"Arya!" cried Eragon, who was much happier to see the elf. "Have I ever told you I love you?" She sighed. "Yes, we've been down that road.

"Oh. Have I ever told you that you're beautiful?"

"Yes."

"Perfect?"

"Yes."

"Graceful?"

"Yes."

"That I want to marry you even though you're ancient?" She sighed again.

"Yes. But you're an idjit human, and like, 16, so deal with rejection already. I'm not here to talk with you anyways." The poor stupid child was crestfallen. "I want to say that I agree with Saphira, and it's most likely that this was the last egg from the king. The problem though, is Murtaugh said the last dragon was male, and that's why they needed Saphira.

The stifling tent became silent as the wisp of though came from the dragon. _"I am,_" it said.

**Hey All! That was good, wasn't it? Kiwis here to start of the summer with an Eragon Spoof to entertain you all. Arya has no personality and annoys me. Eragon can't fathom rejection, and that annoys me too. Nasuada is a gupid sit, and annoys me also, but not as much as Eragon. If they get together, I might have to get violent. Saphira is cool though, and should just eat them all.  Stay tuned for Part II of Nasuada's Dragon!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Honest.**


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